Back to Black
by Doctor Addison Montgomery
Summary: MeredithDerek. A series of oneshot song fictions that explore Meredith and Derek’s relationship set to songs from Amy Winehouse’s album Back to Black. [MerDer] Rated for lyrical content. Please review! Xx


**Back to Black**

**Summary: Meredith/Derek. A series of one-shot song fictions that explore Meredith and Derek's relationship set to songs from Amy Winehouse's album Back to Black. MerDer. Rated for lyrical content.**

Firstly, I don't usually write MerDer so I've got to get myself into the frame of mind to write this. For ages now I've wanted to do a MerDer songfic and I haven't been able to find the 'right' Amy Winehouse song to use. She has so many that suit MerDer so well so I decided to use a bunch of them and store them together.  
None of these songfics are designed to fit together, they are just random scenes or post eps. The timeline will jump around too, this first part is set at the end of Season 1 but there will be others ranging throughout the MerDer relationship.  
Obviously, I don't own any of Amy Winehouse's songs!

Now, I've bored you long enough so please review! Xx  


**ONE: BACK TO BLACK**

_He left no time to regret  
Kept his dick wet  
With his same old safe bet  
__Me and my head held high  
__And my tears dry  
__Get on without my guy  
You went back to what you knew  
__So far removed from all that we went through  
__And I tread a trouble track  
__My odds are stacked  
__I'll go back to black._

"I'm worried about Mer," Doctor Isobel Stevens confided in her fellow intern, and Meredith Grey's 'person', Cristina Yang.

Cristina nodded but was silent as she tied up the drawstrings on her scrubs.

"The 'wife' is back, what else can you expect Izzie?" She replied, heading out of the locker room without a backward glance at the blonde or a response from her. Although Cristina wasn't good with words or emotions she knew that Izzie was right and that something had been very wrong with Meredith since Addison Shepherd had turned up at Seattle Grace. The blow of finding out that the man she had fallen for was already married was more than enough for Meredith but now she had to deal with the pressures of working with and under the fiery redheaded doctor.

Izzie sighed and looped her long hair up into a bun before also leaving the locker room. She tried to focus on her surgeries rather than what she could do to help her friend but she could only begin to imagine what Meredith was going through.

_We only said goodbye with words_  
_I died a hundred times  
__You go back to her  
And I go back to…  
I go back to us._

Meredith Grey was the last of the five interns to report to Miranda Bailey that morning. She looked as though she had just crawled out of bed and had fallen into her scrubs. In fact, with her unkempt hair and the coffee stain on the sleeve of the pink top she wore underneath her scrubs, this wasn't too far from the truth.

For the past few months of her internship at Seattle Grace Meredith had had her own personal alarm clock and had not been late once. Despite the fact that she and Derek were usually awake until the early hours of the morning and that he would wake her up early so they could make love before work, he had made sure that neither of them were ever late. He knew how important Meredith's career prospects were to her and didn't want their relationship to take over but now with Addison back in Derek's life, Meredith found that it was taking over all aspects of her life.

_I love you much  
__It's not enough  
__You love blow  
__And I love puff  
__And life is like a pipe  
And I'm a tiny penny rolling up the walls inside_

_We only said goodbye with words  
__I died a hundred times  
__You go back to her  
and I go back to…_

Meredith was pleased to find that she and Alex Karev had been paired up to work with Doctor Burke for the day, which was a relief. Meredith did not know how she would cope if she had been forced to work with either Derek or Addison. She was also glad that she did not have to work with Izzie or Cristina, as their constant over protective concern was more than Meredith was used to or could cope with. Alex was suitably aloof that it meant that Meredith could concentrate on the medical aspects of her day rather than thinking about Derek and his decision.

Meredith was almost ashamed of her weakness in begging the man she loved to choose her, his dirty mistress, over the woman he had promised to spent eternity with. However, she knew that Derek had loved her and only the arrival of Addison had changed that. She needed the chance to show him how good they could be together.

_Black, black, black  
__Black, black, black, black  
__I go back to  
I go back to  
We only said goodbye with words  
__I died a hundred times  
__You go back to her  
And I go back to…_

"Good work today, Doctor Grey." Burke told her as she cleaned up after scrubbing in on the surgery. Burke's patient was going to make a full recovery and Meredith had been instrumental in securing this.

"Thank you, Doctor Burke." Meredith smiled for the first time that day, at least something had gone right.  
This small ray of hope couldn't last long though, as she exited the OR she saw Derek walking towards her and she felt her inside turn cold. Those eyes that usually showed so much passion and fuelled so much desire in her seemed empty and Meredith could not bring herself to look into them. Before he had even told her, she knew.

"She's my wife." Were the first words out of Derek's mouth and Meredith supposed they could almost be interpreted as an apology.

"I know." She replied softly.  
"I love her." He said, hollowly. "I have to at least try and make it work." He reasoned, whether he was convincing Meredith or himself was hidden in subtext.

"I know." Meredith echoed again.

"I'm sorry." Derek said, even more softly. He leaned close to her, breathing in that comforting aroma of lavender as he pressed a gentle, feather light kiss to her cheek. "I'm so sorry."  
Meredith simply nodded, watching him go. She sighed, knowing that somewhere there had to be a bottle of tequila with her name on it; it was the least that she deserved.

_We only said goodbye with words_  
_I died a hundred times  
__You go back to her  
And I go back to black._


End file.
